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Today, I'm Far Apart from Words

Today, I'm far apart from words

they only slow things down. The milestone I waited on, in a year of pause and passing.. happened this warm autumn morn. It's been 2 weeks shy of a year, when I got the call that changed me forever. "Your biopsy shows you do have a carcinoma. Breast cancer." I fought that battle, and am blessed and grateful to have had a successful journey, yet, a different life has come to me.. once the treatment ended. Joint and bone pain, due to several post-cancer meds.. and somehow, a depression. An outgrave of an innocence. My ignorance of invincibility, stolen. Today.. was my milestone. I had my first yearly mammogram scan since the start of all this. There was a glitch. A call back. A rescan needed.

A blur at the clip, that marked my removed tumor. A longer wait… for a final result. Then, a call to the hall.    My heartbeat, taut.. and small. Time went backwards, to when I fought that millisecond lag of existence. Then the radiologist smiled, and the tile… steadied, when given the excellent news, I am CLEAR! I've shut down something inside me, this year. My passion.. grown so thin inertia, and the state of same disconnected.. from my name a haze of unreachable space my vision.. misplaced my focus, on the past. Yet, while Time is waning

still,

my poetry.. will save me. I need to write a clearing. Rip apart the comfort page. A stationary life goes wasted, ground against it's purist form. It's how I'm letting go from self-indulgent doubts I'm standing on the brink of this                 and following the writhing, 

                in my breast. No regrets.. I'll outlive all the rest

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