Today, I'm Far Apart from Words

October 11, 2018

 

Today, I'm far apart from words

they only slow things down.
The milestone I waited on, in a year of pause and passing.. happened this warm autumn morn.

It's been 2 weeks shy of a year, when I got the call that changed me forever.

"Your biopsy shows you do have a carcinoma. Breast cancer."

I fought that battle, and am blessed and grateful to have had a successful journey, yet, a different life has come to me.. once the treatment ended.
Joint and bone pain, due to several post-cancer meds.. and somehow, a depression.
An outgrave of an innocence.
My ignorance of invincibility, stolen.

Today.. was my milestone.
I had my first yearly mammogram scan since the start of all this.
There was a glitch. A call back. A rescan needed.

A blur at the clip, that marked my removed tumor.
A longer wait… for a final result.
Then, a call to the hall.
   My heartbeat, taut.. and small.

Time went backwards, to when I fought that millisecond lag of existence.

Then
the radiologist smiled, and the tile… steadied, when given the excellent news, I am CLEAR!

I've shut down something inside me, this year.
My passion.. grown so thin
inertia, and the state of same
disconnected.. from my name
a haze of unreachable space
my vision.. misplaced
my focus, on the past.

Yet, while Time is waning

still,

my poetry.. will save me.
I need to write a clearing. Rip apart the comfort page. A stationary life goes wasted, ground against it's purist form.


It's how I'm letting go
from self-indulgent doubts
I'm standing on the brink of this
                and following the writhing, 

                in my breast.

No regrets.. I'll outlive all the rest
 

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